i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
