I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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