Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
