my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
