I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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