The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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