I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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