I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
