There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
