Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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