Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
