You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
