just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
