you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it glows. i had to have it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
