my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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