Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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