take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So. Much. Porn.
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