chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize