His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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