We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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