Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she pinky promised me she was 18
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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