Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
