I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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