maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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