I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
