i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
