I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
