the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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