neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
