Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
