Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
