im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
