I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize