you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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