it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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