If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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