so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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