Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
