When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
