All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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