I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
