Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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