I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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