I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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