just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
