The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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