Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I deserve this hangover.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
