I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
