if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
