you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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