Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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