I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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