Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
