when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
