why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
