Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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