So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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