Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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