i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
